if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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