Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
