My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
