you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My ass is underappreciated
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