I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
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The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
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I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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