so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My brain says no but my pants say off.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
