How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
