just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
