ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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