i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
