he thought i was a dude.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
