its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
