Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
