I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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