Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
