I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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