I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
