I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
