too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
