also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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