I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
