Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
