I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Just puked most of my soul out..
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