Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I had to cum in my sink.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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