i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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