Hey man sorry I got all grabby
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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