I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
