I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
