You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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