Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
