I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
