Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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