I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
