i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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