I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
