are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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