Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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