oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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