You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
