I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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