Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
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Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
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I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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