I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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