How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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