I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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