Can i not drive my cunt home
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.