I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch