i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line