I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.