Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
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