I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
