pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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