We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
