I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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