How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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