They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
