she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
