WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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