if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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