he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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