thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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